I spend all my time in complete focus, absolutely crushing my goals and growing my business and side hustles. Every. Single. Day.
Do you want to know my secret?
It isn’t that new project management software you heard about.
It isn’t “touching grass”.
There’s no tricks here, no diet or workout tips, no hacks.
It’s simple…
I went to jail.
Stop.
Breathe.
Bend over and pick your jaw up off the floor.
If my secret bothers you, that’s fine.
Bye, Felicia 👋
You don’t deserve this level of success.
Intrigued? Stick with me, and soon you’ll understand. We might even become cellmates 😉
It started a few years ago, when I was still a digital nomad.
I was on a call with one of my investors. He told me he had just contributed to a round of funding for a new correctional facility.
“Why would you want to put money into that?”
Here’s what he told me:
→ High growth potential through government funding
→ Low-cost labor with no competition
→ Offering a poor quality experience is the point
Mind blown 🤯
He was right.
Here’s the thing,
I was tired of being a digital nomad 🚐
-Spotty internet connection
-Getting called “settler”, “gringo”, “agent of the great Satan”
-Sometimes no gym access
-Seeing poverty
-Homeschooling my kids in van
-Attacked by feral dogs
Did that mean I wanted to move to San Fran? LA? Austin?
Overpriced housing, offices, food?
Being called “brogrammer”, “gentrifier”, “sex pest”?
Surrounded by homeless people?
Living in jurisdiction of child custody laws?
Dealing with socialist bureaucrats and regulations?
No thanks.
So what could I do?
This is where things got interesting 🤓📝
I researched, planned and networked. I contacted the investors and made my pitch.
I got arrested.
I looked up sentences for murder, drug peddling, and grand theft auto. 5-20 years.
Way too long.
Assault was in the ballpark, but might hurt my brand’s reputation.
Then I found it. 3 DUIs = 1 year in jail.
Do you know who has a DUI? Kevin Hart. Tim Allen. Khloe Kardashian. Many of the most talented and successful people in the world have DUIs, but it didn’t slow them down.
So…
🍸 1️⃣ I drank five manhattans and rammed my Rivian into the back of an Airstream on the Bay Bridge.
🍻 2️⃣ I had a few tasting flights at a brewery and drove through a mini golf course. A family said I almost hit them but they couldn’t prove it
🍾 3️⃣ I totaled my truck by steering it into a pond. I wouldn’t need it where I was going 🫡
🚨Most importantly🚨 I didn’t show any regret. At my DUI hearing, I rolled my eyes and stared at my phone. I bragged about how much money I had and laughed at the fines and community service. The judge did NOT like that 😂
So I went to jail ⛓️
Still with me? Good. You’re ready.
You might be afraid of going to jail because of all the bad vibes.
-Nasty food 🤢
-Bathroom in public 🚽
-Stabbed by knifes 🔪
-Shower stuff 😳
You need to unfix your mindset. Jail is only a punishment if you let it be.
Don’t like the food? Bribe the guards to bring you Soylent smoothies. A liquid diet takes care of the bathroom issue too.
Sure, the safety thing is scary, but only for beta inmates who didn’t brief their investors before getting arrested. To keep myself safe, I got:
→VC-backed investment in the jail
→A tax write-off donation to the commissary
→A public-private partnership grant through the government’s Digitalpreneur Prisopportunity Program to Turn Inmates Into Inmakers
If the other inmates work for you, they can’t hate you. They won’t have time to make improvised weapons when they spend 18 hours a day moderating AI-generated videos of murders and animal abuse.
Here’s how my mornings look:
5am: Wake up, micro-calisthenics, smoothie
530: Brain-maxing session, think through today’s goals
6: Caveman mind attunement, scream Marcus Aurelius quotes into mattress
615: All-hands with my team
7am-Bedtime: Crush. It.
I won’t lie to you.
Prison isn’t nice. It isn’t fun.
Do I miss the outside? My condo? My family?
Sure… until I look at my results:
*130% increase in daily deep focus mental uptime
*Visitation schedule booked solid with investors
*Clients so happy, they sent me a PSP and a scooter to ride around the cell block 🎮 🛴
I must be doing something right 🥳
My team is the surest bet in the business. Why?
Work-life balance? We can’t leave.
Sick days? Yeah, right.
Employment laws? Union? Minimum wage? Not for inmates.
And the best thing is I’m just getting started. Here’s what’s coming in the next few quarters.
📍 Taking the jail off the grid and improving sustainability by making the inmates build a nuclear reactor.
📍 Long prison sentences are inefficient, so we’re designing a system to compress 20-50 year sentences into hour long automated “torment sessions”. This will 100X the justice system for a fraction of what it costs now.
📍 I used to pay my team in cans of mackerel and cigarettes, but, as I told them, they can make a lot more with digital assets. All of their wages are now stored on the blockchain so they can enjoy personal sovereignty and freedom behind bars 📈
📍Unmarried and lonely in jail? No problem. ChatGPT-powered conjugal visit pods are in prototyping.
📍Settlers of Catan in games closet.
Part of having a growth mindset is being willing to learn new things. For example, I learned that not everyone in jail is poor. In fact, the word “hustle” comes from the world of crime. Don’t be surprised if prison equity replaces private equity and your next investor has a RICO charge.
Jail is the frontier of deep innovation. F. Dostoevsky, one of the greatest inventors of our time, said “The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons.”
If what I have seen inside has taught me anything, it’s that our civilization is primed for a badass future beyond our wildest dreams 🚀🚀🚀
